


hold, please

by KatyaOrchid



Category: Broadchurch
Genre: F/M, Pegging, ish
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-25
Updated: 2019-07-25
Packaged: 2020-07-19 16:47:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19977301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KatyaOrchid/pseuds/KatyaOrchid
Summary: "We should switch postitions."or, hey, you know what else is titled "Broad C_____"





	hold, please

**Author's Note:**

> i made [a post](https://beyoncepatronus.tumblr.com/post/186423708257/beyoncepatronus-i-gotta-go-to-work-but-i-just-had) and then em made [art](https://mundycide.tumblr.com/post/186442093051/im-not-good-at-making-comics-and-im-tire-d-now) and then i decided, well, i'm doing this properly

**INT: THE LATIMER’S KITCHEN - LATE AFTERNOON.**  
BETH is chopping vegetables for dinner while MARK balances baby LIZZIE on his hip, cooing at her. They aren’t looking at each other, let alone talking.

Beth’s phone starts ringing. She quickly wipes her hands on a tea towel and answers it.

**BETH**  
(into phone)  
How big?

**INT: THE MILLER’S BATHROOM.**  
ELLIE is pacing back and forth in the small space, hair loose, wearing a dressing gown thrown on over her underwear, phone to her ear.

**ELLIE**  
(quietly)  
I didn’t get out a ruler!

INTERCUT between them as they talk.

**BETH**  
Compared to your hand?

**ELLIE**  
Listen, Beth, I’m freaking out right now. So we were… you know, and I said, “we should switch positions,” and then he throws me a-a-a-... (even quieter) a strap-on!

Beth puts her fist to her mouth and closes her eyes with pure joy.

**BETH**  
Hold, please.

She carefully puts the phone down and quietly goes apeshit. Ellie can still be heard through the phone.

**ELLIE**  
Beth? BETH!

Mark, appalled, interrupts when Beth drops to her hands to twerk.

**MARK**  
Beth!

**BETH**  
Ex _cuse_ you, I’m on the phone.

**MARK**  
(bouncing Lizzie)  
Jesus, Beth.

Beth picks up the phone again.

**BETH**  
(into phone)  
This is a dream come true. Thank you, so much, for sharing this with me -

**ELLIE**  
Beth, I’m calling for advice!

**BETH**  
Oh! Sorry. Well, start by lubing up the head, and work-

**ELLIE**  
No! Do you really think I’m gonna do it?

**BETH**  
What is not to know? This is once in a LIFETIME.

**ELLIE**  
It’s crazy, is what it is!

**BETH**  
Ellie, for most of my marriage, I kept a strap-on in my bedside table, just in case the opportunity came along that you now have handed to you on a silver fucking platter!

**ELLIE**  
I don’t know, I’ve envisioned being with Alec in a lot of different ways, but not THIS way.

**BETH**  
Listen. If there’s one thing we know, it’s that life is short, and so is love. If this all falls down around you, do you want to spend the rest of your life dreaming of Hardy’s hairy, adorable little butthole? Or do you want to think, well, at least I brought him pleasure by plowing him like a queen?

**ELLIE**  
I just… don’t know, Beth.

**BETH**  
Oh, you know. You wouldn’t have called ME if you didn’t.

Beth hangs up and goes back to cooking, oblivious to Mark staring at her.

**MARK**  
When did you get a strap-on?

In the Miller’s bathroom, Ellie stares at her phone, then the toy and pile of straps in her other hand.

**INT: THE MILLER’S MASTER BEDROOM.**  
Hardy is sitting naked in the bed, staring at the pile of his clothes by the door, paralysed with panic. Every second that passes makes “making a run for it” look more attractive. He makes his decision and reaches for a stray sock on the floor, then jumps when the bedroom door opens.

**ELLIE**  
Roll over.

Hardy drops the sock.

**Author's Note:**

> dialogue lifted then lightly edited from [this Broad City scene](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a5uI_-mnojs)
> 
> my sincerest apologies to colman and whittaker. tennant and chibnall you can deal with it.


End file.
